Twenty Festivals part III - Letting Them Have Your Way

[Kakita Kae]

[Kakita Ijiwaru]

I got what I asked for within reason and I am happy with the story.

[Doji Azai]

Quick notes:

1. Be brutal. Don't hesitate to call it like you see it. I will ignore what I have to to continue writing and not be beaten down and all sad and mopey and whiney and stuff.

2. Be honest. Please.

3. I was not trying to lecture to the players, I just kind of cross-pollinated conversation from here into the story and that really shouldn't have happened so clearly. It's what I get for writing while browsing forums.

4. Regarding "wait and see" in terms of "Letting Them Have Your Way" I want to direct you to the Kotei Fiction Week, Day 2. I wrote all the Crane related fiction in the Kotei stuff and I wrote Shinichi with Natsuyo in mind. Natsuyo KNEW that Shinichi was already securing "teaching the Emperor's child" as per the other fiction. And I knew that you would see the result VERY SOON.



I hope that this helps to show that I am going to deliver in terms of the "wait and see."

If not, please let me know.

I'll ramp this sh*t UP!


P.S. 10 Points to your House if you can tell me where the "banners snapping in the wind" is supposed to connect to in terms of story.

I try to connect all the stuffs.

[Kakita Shiro]

[Doji Azai]

10 points to Gryffindor. Or whatever House you fancy

[Asahina Shimato]

Overall, I liked it. I have some nits to pick, forgive me.

There's the occasional spelling and punctuation goof ("Shinichi excepted the outburst"), but nothing that couldn't be worked out with a good editor. Overall you have this breathless style of extremely short sentences - parataxis - which serves the subject matter well, if you chose it consciously. Even then I sometimes wished for a bit more variety and subordinate clauses, but that's a matter of personal taste. Maybe give the courtiers longer and more complex sentences, and reserve the breathless style for the no-thought scenes of the duel?

For my tastes Shinichi's exchange with the Kakita Jester was a bit over the top (also, would a Kakita Jester really speak up against his kinsman, and would said kinsman really threaten him with a duel? I suppose it's possible that Shinichi's reply wasn't directed at the jester, that could have been clearer.)

And that's the worst thing I have to say about it.

That fiction met my criteria, in that the Crane had a plan and worked towards an outcome that favored them:
Seiken made a clear commitment to the Crane Clan. It's almost a shame that the most meaningful progress the Crane Clan has made in DECADES is revealed in a letter at the beginning of this fiction. For the Crane community, a result like this deserves to be the climax of its own fiction; this is the closest we got to the throne since Doji Yasuyo married Kaneka (if that even counts.) This is a big deal.

Now all Seiken needs is a son to fulfill his commitment, and both he and his son need to survive long enough for the outcome to have a lasting effect... Kanpeki's coup casts a shadow of doubt over this. But it feels good to see the Crane finally taking their fate into their own hands.

Edit: Oh, almost forgot! I really liked the use of music in the story. Excellent choice, very vivid allusion to the movies.

[Doji Azai]

[Marketeer]

[Kakita Kasukaru]

Much appreciated to have two writers explaining their choices and the setting aspects involved. We might not always like it, but it's very interesting to get the reasoning. I am in no way implying that Story Team members should somehow constantly justify their choices (although our frequent understandable whining might suggest it). But having a good peek now and then into why such a scene was chosen and what the implications are is a step in the right direction (of getting us involved along and not just against the stories).